To do or not to do? That is the question…

Sitting by the window and staring out at the vast expanse of water that continues all the way to the horizon and beyond, I ponder where life has brought me. I feel a sense of calmness and inner peace that I’ve never felt before. Looking back at life the only thing I can compare myself to is a rat in a maze, running helter-skelter not sure of where I’m going and what I’m doing or why I’m doing it.

I braved through every storm and made it this far. It’s been a long journey. It makes me proud of myself to be where I am. But now after all that I’m at a strange crossroad in my life. When I had the time I spent it giving the wrong people chances, not one, but several chances. And now when the seemingly right person has come along I can’t get myself to give him one chance. Is that stupidity, fear or wiseness? it’s hard to tell. I know where I want to be and he knows where he wants to be. There definitely is something special there. But after having my heart been broken so many times over do I have the courage to gamble it again, even if it is two pocket aces that I have? It may be a safe bet albeit still a bet.

Sometimes I feel like we’re just God’s puppets, that he puts in the most ridiculous situations for sheer entertainment value. Do I play the gamble and give a bright happy future a chance hoping for the best? Or do I take the safe road which seems to have a pretty bleak future? The stakes are high.

I continue staring out the window, hoping for some sign that will tell me what to do…


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